There is a Swahili saying, “Avaaye kiatu ndiye ajuaye mwiba uchomapo” which means the person who wears the shoe knows where the thorn pierces. Your experience with NCDs (Non-communicable diseases) is not something that other people can truly understand because it is a personal experience. They can say many insensitive things to you that hurt and tear you down. If you are new to the game, I hope this article provides some help to deal with it.
The other day I stumbled on a tweet about the best places to get hypertension, diabetes, and cancer medication. I was surprised that so many people thought the people who needed the drugs needed to “eat better and exercise.” It was obvious that these were people who probably had not had to go to the hospital for anything in a while. They were healthy and attributed that to their “good lifestyles.” I think there is a general lack of empathy in people today and Mike Tyson was right. “Social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.”
When you had to say these careless things to people in person you considered the risk of getting punched in the face or the fact that you were hurting the listener’s feelings. Now you have the internet and you feel safe, “speaking the truth.” People feel ok telling someone on chemo that they should have been eating organic chicken and boiled cassava. Of course, the problem is that these people have not been in those painful shoes. They have not woken up in the middle of the night to throw up or nibble crackers because they cannot throw up anymore and going to the hospital will not help.
A couple of weeks ago someone told me that since they had not seen me for a while they thought I had died. They went on to explain that it had been three whole years and they expected to have seen me or attended my funeral. I stared at my phone for a while wondering how to answer someone who had asked me “why are you not dead.” A friend wonders why I do not share details of my illnesses with people. That is why.
I shared that I got COVID with this person and knowing about my pre-existing conditions, he was positive I would die. I got better but I guess he figured I was too broken down to survive worsening asthma, diabetes, and hypertension. He probably was not the only one who felt that way. I remember when I had COVID the one thing I heard most often was “Don’t worry, you are not going to die.” See, I was not thinking about dying but about how much this idiocy was going to cost. But sure, thank you very much now I could worry about dying after paying people to keep me alive.
If you are dealing with insensitivity and ignorance, it can start to feel like you are all alone. You will keep your illness to yourself because even the people who are not insensitive will start to treat you like an invalid. “Can you eat that?” “Why don’t you let me do that for you.” “Can’t you see she is not like you? Stop asking her to do that.” “Put on one more sweater, have some soup.” “Don’t you have relatives who can take care of you?” etc. As my cousin said, it can be dehumanizing. You start to lose who you are and what usually follows is a bad case of anxiety and depression. So, if you are having trouble dealing with these situations, here are my personal survival tips.
Do not take it personally
It is hard not to get offended when people say insensitive things. I often try to see things from their perspective. They have never had this experience and cannot understand it. Instead of spending time arguing with them, just walk away. Do not hold on to the words or the hurt because that will destroy you from the inside.
Talk to someone
If you notice that you were offended and are obsessing, share it with someone else. Talking about it will help you deal with it, instead of thinking about it and crying or getting angry. The best thing about talking to a friend or people in your support group is that it can help prevent you from sinking into depression or an anxiety spiral.
Audit your friend list
One of the things I have learned over the years is that the people who treat you badly are people you let into your life. If someone you let into your life is saying insensitive things, stop talking to them. Avoid situations where that person will talk to you and tear you down because that is something that you can control. You cannot control what the other person says but you can control whether you sit and listen.
Practise mindfulness
According to the Mental Health Innovation Network, depression and anxiety often accompany NCDs. It is therefore crucial that you take steps to work on your mental health regularly. One of the ways to do that is the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness, according to the Mayo Clinic, refers to “…a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment.” You can use images, or recordings to help you practice mindfulness. Instead of worrying about the medication, dying, or getting sicker, you can simply focus on the now. You can practice mindfulness even when cooking, doing the dishes, or cleaning your house. It is about being present in the moment, instead of worrying about things that you cannot control.
Living with NCDs whether diabetes, hypertension, respiratory issues, cancer, or cardiovascular problems can be a challenging journey. You deal with the risk of developing mental health problems like depression because being sick still sucks even if you accept it. If you have been struggling with insensitive people in your life recently, try out those tips. Remember, only you truly know where it hurts, so do not carry other people’s words around your neck. You will live and you will thrive. Leave a comment with your own coping strategies and share them with other people walking the chronic disease path. We are stronger together.
Karrymi 
Very well written and informative.
Thanks for sharing 💝💝💝
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Thank you.
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