Dare to Dream

Everyone has dreams. We all want to achieve something, be someone and maybe conquer the world. Not in the William way or even the Alexander but in a way that means we matter. We all want to be someone, to feel like we are something, something special.

Why is the road to love strewn with broken hearts, bitter souls and lost hopes? Because we all want that person who makes us feel like we are something special. There one person that can make everything alright with a smile.  Problem is many people can fake that.  We are all looking for that thing that fulfills us in the way love can. That one thing that you hope to get to feel complete.

Simplicity

I want to be a professor. The simple kind. No bushy eyebrows, ill-fitting clothes and skewed spectacles for me. Just a tidy desk and a few students to teach the deep mysteries of life. I would like to inspire people, my students of course, and teach them to open their minds to new ideas, question every thought. Let them know that there is nothing wrong with taking the road less traveled. You know you have dreams too, things you wish for every time you sit at your desk and do what you must to pay the bills.

Wishful thinking

I sometimes think maybe I am being unrealistic, think I am not the brightest person in my village or my clan or even my family. I was born to worship at the altar of this or other professor. I have heard that I should not sit with my betters and embarrass myself. You have heard the same things too. That is why you have spent most of your life making excuses. Choosing not to try but building castles in the air. Wishing you could but too afraid to try and fail.

Here is some good advice. Go out there and try to reach your goals. You want to be an artist save up for classes. You want to own a business go out there and start researching the market. You want to be a music star start singing today. You want to write a great novel pick up that pen today.

Dare to dream

If you want to make your dreams a reality you have to work for them. They will forever be dreams if you do nothing about them and in your 70s they will become nightmares. They will haunt you and make you a bitter person. Angry with the young for misusing what you wish you could have back; a chance and time to make dreams reality.

Posted in dreams, Lifestyle, love | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

YOURS, MINE, OUR HOME


The other day I heard a lady say to a group of friends, “Akaaibisha nyumba yake!” They were talking about a female acquaintance of theirs who had caused her husband some embarrassment by calling him out on his B.S publicly or telling someone about the husband’s behaviour when he was in his cups. The husband is only a unit of the family. Just like the wife and the children are but to a proper wife if you undress the husband, man of the house or other title of respect you give the fellow that has loaned you his name, you are embarrassing the entire family and that includes his mother and father and of course your mother and father. No wonder the lady seemed scandalized by the behaviour of the subject being discussed.

I am a traditional African woman. I am all about respecting my husband, covering up his inadequacies, smiling through the pain and making his favourite as often as is humanly possible. I therefore have nothing against the idea of bearing with my husband’s imperfections. As one of my bright relatives says one should choose to marry someone whose faults they can bear with. So, fact that he is not the kind of guy your friends would marry does not mean he is not right for you. It also does not allow you to tell all and sundry what happens behind closed doors. Especially after you have locked three different doors… inner sanctum manenos.

Yes, you are angry that he refused to buy the family food and you nearly starved this Easter but honey, telling your friends doesn’t solve the problem. It only feeds the grapevine. He drinks too much? Everyone already knows that. He does it at the pub and sings all the way home. What they don’t know is what he does when he comes home. Don’t give them that. The sympathy is  fake and the empathy is imaginary. But the grapevine’s glee is real… very real.

My issue with this conservative view to the affairs of the home is that it doesn’t seem to recognize the humanness of the woman. She is supposed to bear with her husband and never tire. He is free to prance about disparaging her to any and everyone. He can sleep around and claim that she is too stupid or too trusting to notice. Tell anyone who will listen that he built her a house, bought her a car and he therefore does not see what more she could possibly want. In this way he suggests she is more or less a prostitute. She married him so she can have a house and a car. Isn’t she part of the Nyumba whose honour she must guard? Does her honour not matter just like the man’s? She deserves respect and honour and understanding of her flaws.

So the advice to honour your spouse, your home/household should apply to men too. Stop asking your friends what to do with your wife; go ask her what she would like to do. Don’t tell people she is boring go home and suggest something fun. Yes, she is not the sharpest tool in the shed but that is none of your friends’ business. See a therapist or a lawyer. Don’t embarrass and humiliate yourself.

Just to be clear I am not saying you should let your better or in the case bad half give you blood pressure or let him or her kill you with disease or violence. If you can’t deal with it get out of the situation. Truth is people will talk but you can’t let public opinion decide your life, its quality or how long that life is going to last.

Photo from: bjws.blogspot.com

Posted in gender, Lifestyle, love, Relationships, solidarity | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Eskimo kisses…


Do you wonder why she likes him?

Why she sits lost in daydreams,

Why she smiles like she is unhinged,

Why she only speaks of him

When she speaks

It,

Isn’t the looks,

Coz,

You know,

He is hooooot!!

It,

Isn’t the height,

Coz,

Honey,

You know,

That 6ft is seeeexy!!

It,

Can’t be money,

Coz,

You know,

That, sweerie,

Is transient.

Seen,

The way he makes space for her,

The way he listens,

The way he spares time,

Even when tired…

Sit

Let me educate you.

Let me tell you why without him,

She,

Would be fish cursed to live on land,

Water lilies in the Sahara,

Girl unsouled…

She loves him

How could she not.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in love, Poetry, Relationships | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Down memory lane

This was supposed to be romantic…

Angel at my club


I used to think, 

I knew I had no heart long broken 

by one I called Rita or was it Amanda 

I remind myself to forget. 

Then, you walked in.

 Shakespeare in a thousand words for a million years could never describe your cherubic beauty

Picasso would lose his fame in a painting of you  

Monet would utterly fail. 

Mozart would never compose anything as sweet and rich as the sound of your voice 

Your eyes are dark like opals 

The music of your laughter leaves me dazed

 I feel a hammering in my chest as you place your delicate hand in mine… 

Now,

They say I’m ruthless 

A panther on the prowl 

But, 

As I shake your hand I can’t remember my name.

Posted in love, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Down memory lane

Found some stuff I wrote in 2010, I figured why not share

Sunless skies

You are on the sun, and she on a moon. 

You are the sun she is the shadows in the dusky places.

Like a shoot she craves the sunshine, 

But, 

You are in it,

You are it

She can’t have it because you wouldn’t give it,

“Light and heat is all in the mind” 

You say, 

But,

Why is she in the dark, on ice….

Thinking bright warm thoughts 

Wishing for the sunshine…

Begging for a guide home 

You sit on that beautiful ball of fire 

Never seeing the soul in the crevice, 

Choosing not to see enchanting innocence, 

Choosing not to be caught in the web of emotion that you crave

 Knowing,

You can only burn the blushing innocent in the shadows…

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

So many things to say

So that picture is trending on twitter and facebook is blowing up with the usual mix of righteous indignation and nastiness. I have been accused of defending everyone but hey… I was born this way. 

So before you go all “you are a murderer and an evil witch” and aim your flaming torch and pitchfork try put yourself in Jackline’s shoes. Now I have never met Jackline but she seems like a nice enough lady and note that that child looks healthy, well fed, dressed and doesn’t look like she has been abused. That child is well taken care of. Feel free to compare your child and that one if you have children.You can take your self-righteousness next door and note the neighbour’s kids are well in ‘rags’. We are human after all. That girl looks happy. We all go aww! looking at those pictures.

Our anger might be because of this.Such a lovely child does not deserve the murderous intentions of the mother. But where is she coming from? I know children are more important than men or women. But be honest, you single guy with the good genes, job and average personality do you date women with children? Granted the men around me maybe flawed but how many times have you lost interest in a person because they said they have a child? 

Horrible Exs

Think, Jackline did have this child with a man like you. She was honoured by this guy and fate to take care of the child they made. She may have been rejected by men because she had this child. She has watched the father of this child marry and be happy. She may not miss him but she wants to be with someone too. She wants to share the trials and triumphs of raising a child with someone but the men around her want a woman who is ‘free’. 

Society

We have been around for a long time but our beliefs and values have not changed. Society looks at a married woman with more respect or well something similar… (oh please! Come off it. You know I am right) . That is why you are dating that harpless drunk who comes home at two and calls you names. Society expects women to be married. To be attached to men. You have often said to your friends, ‘She is unmarried and 35 something is wrong with her’. Society is constantly telling the female that to be respected she must attach herself to a man and even lease a name. 

Picture Jackline who feels she has no hope of getting this esteemed status. Picture the women at her church sneer and whisper. Picture her attraction to Brother Jeroboam and his righteous NO and his open scorn for her “childfulness”. Remember the last time you were rejected, now imagine it was because of your lovely baby girl. Whose father left you in the worst way and married Sister Ruth in church. Imagine what that feels like. Picture the women whisper and sneer one more time. Don’t tell me how people don’t move you. Even Iron Man would feel something. 

Different pain thresholds

Now, that child is not a week old, she has been taking care of her. She may have got to her limit. She is tired of the constant rejection, the loneliness and the fact that society looks down on her because she fell in love with the wrong man. Because she believed the nice things he said were true. Her hopes for love are dashed every single time because men who have fathered children far and wide don’t date ‘Mama za watu’.

I am not defending killing your child because a man said no to you. No! But could you stop threatening Jackline. Sure issuing a threat like that is wrong but have you considered that this is a sign of a big problem in Jackline’s mind, our women’s minds and the society at large. If you had Jackline’s mindset, her outlook as regards life trust me you might threaten worse. Raising a child is hard, being looked down on for said child is makes it harder, have a little compassion. If you can send help please do.

Mother’s advice

Jackline a man cannot make your life better. You can make your life better, you can live a good life without the affections of a man. It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt to be alone but you need to choose to not be lonely. Find fulfilment in yourself and you will find someone who appreciates that you are happy with where fate and destiny has placed you.

My dear man try date outside your comfort zone you might find that, that one woman who has a child appreciates Man United and the Beautiful game as much as you do.


Thanks to 123rf for above picture.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Coffee date fails


James from accounting asked me to have coffee with him. Exciting, since he is not ill-looking and although humanity grows shorter every year he is 6ft tall. He is not light-skinned (that is a good thing), and he seems hardworking and doesn’t drink as much as his colleagues. I have lowered my expectations lately. There are issues though…
History, me and men

My mother told me that people would disappoint me but a career never would. Her point was men would disappoint me but a career (job, money I guess ) would not fail me so I should work hard in school and do very well. I don’t remember how old I was but those words tied to my religious beliefs ensured I stayed away from men, whose intelligence didn’t seem much and in most encounters were flaky and unpredictable. I do appreciate a healthy dose of predictability.

So as a thirty (mostly twenty-nine) year old woman I find so many faults in my mother’s logic. For one she has been married for longer than I have been alive. I don’t see her hanging around a disappointment for such a long period of time. If men are disappointing as species she would not be married. Secondly the teaching career, business, soul sucking activity has disappointed me. I have been an undergraduate for so long that I fear higher education is an exercise in futility. But I share that with some people so no big deal. Problem is the people charged with giving me a job denied me one. They made it clear I needed to add a degree to my diploma in education. So, I can teach for the principal but not the government. I had hoped by now I would be threatening to buy land but alas! 
My point is my career has disappointed me in more ways than one. My mother’s logic rings hollow in the face of my reality. I was also informed growing up, that men would only like me for my smarts and my job with the big salary because men hate beggars. I do not have a large salary, true I pay my bills but no big salary or at least permanent and pensionable salary. I doubt the available documentation will give this man; who only judges my ability to hold a conversation by my academic qualifications and not anything I say.

Fears…

See now, men are scary fellows who on seeing my high school certificate will flee. These of course are my insecurities created by my mother and every female person that ever taught me. Trouble is as I sit with James from accounting to have coffee, I will worry about my appeal on so many fronts. I will make jokes about hating math so he knows I failed, I will shoot down every attempt to bring up teacher recruitment and view with heavy suspicion any and all compliments relating to my brain and constantly steer conversation to my students and their antics. Fingers crossed for second date.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment